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Wednesday Aug 24 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

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Conan

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Late Show with David Letterman

Yesterday, earthquake; today, hurricane. Where do you go next — Tripoli?

The earthquake registered 5.8 on the Richter scale. I’ve had bigger heart attacks than that.

The earthquake was so strong that the tea party shifted to the center.

President Obama is enjoying the fun and sun in Martha’s Vineyard. It’s really sad when your SPF factor is higher than your approval rating.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs Moammar Gadhafi Is Hiding in Your Neighborhood

10
You say “Good morning, neighbor.” You hear, “Good morning, Zionist pig”
9
Ayman al-Zawahiri knocks on your door and says, “Whoops, wrong house”
8
Someone keeps forgetting to clean up after his camel
7
Guy introduces himself as “Carl,” but spells it with a Q
6
High school soccer games now begin with Libyan national anthem
5
Every shopping plaza within a 10-mile radius is out of enormous sunglasses
4
Navy SEALs requested permission to turn your kid’s tree house into a sniper’s nest
3
Monday: quiet; Tuesday: quiet; Wednesday: mobs of gun-toting Libyan rebels; Thursday: quiet
2
Neighbor keeps parking his tank on your Prius
1
In background of his latest video message, you see you
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Someone sent the show an envelope with white powder which turned out to be corn starch. On the one hand, I have an enemy out there, but on the other hand, my suits will now be thicker and richer.

Researchers in Britain claim they have created a gel that prevents tooth decay. We’ve got this in America. It’s called “toothpaste.”

The east coast is still cleaning up after the earthquake. Experts say this only happens once a century. It’s Larry King’s third.

Apparently there’s a crack in the Washington Monument. Calm down, Marion Barry, I said “a crack.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

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