There’s a fatwa on me. They say the guy that issued it is an Internet jihadist. Who says Obama isn’t creating jobs?
The State Department is investigating, but everyone knows it’s Leno.
When they killed bin Laden, he had been locked in a house with three wives for six years. So when the SEALs broke in, he said, "Just shoot me."
Top Ten Thought’s That Went Through Letterman’s Mind After Hearing About the Threat
“Someone wants to silence me? Get in line”
“Nothing says summer like a death threat”
“Why is the staff in such a good mood?”
“Should I wear my Kevlar hairpiece?”
“And here I thought nobody watched the show”
“How can someone be so angry at a time when Kim Kardashian is so happy?”
“Some people get Emmy nominations, some people get death threats”
“This seems like Leno’s handiwork”
“Oh my God! They canceled ‘The George Lopez Show’”
Everyone is watching the big global news story. We’re seeing historic changes rocking one of the most ruthless families on earth. That’s right, Kim Kardashian got married.
Some people think Gadhafi will go into exile somewhere harmless where we can keep an eye on him. I’m thinking “Dancing With the Stars.”
I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re hoping for an end to the bloodshed, a peaceful transition to democracy, and . . . cheaper gas.