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Wednesday Aug 10 2011

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They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you used to have money.

President Obama said this week that the downgrading of our credit rating should give America "a renewed sense of urgency." A renewed sense of urgency? The only people that don’t think it’s urgent are the congressmen that just went on a five week vacation.

Did you know that China has the exact same credit rating that we do? You’d think their credit would be better, but it’s not. Look who owes them all the money.

There have been huge riots in England the past couple of days. People are fighting, throwing rocks, smashing windows. And they're doing it the hard way, without a soccer game.

Conan

With the stock market in flux, the price of gold has shot up to almost $2,000. In other words, Flava Flav’s mouth is now a millionaire and about to retire.

Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman announced that he received the endorsement of Jeb Bush, Jr., who is the son of the brother of the former president. Analysts say he’s sewn up the crucial “guy you didn’t know existed” vote.

A new report shows that due to the weak economy right now, more Americans are canceling their cable television. Good luck trying to live without eight shows about cakes.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Financial analysts are worried that we may be headed for a double-dip recession. That sounds delicious to me.

Here’s what I don’t understand about rioting. If you’re going to destroy a city for no reason, why destroy your own city? Move one city over.

Tyler Perry is forming his own TV station called Tyler TV. Who does he think he is — Oprah?

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Michele Bachmann said that if she’s elected president, she won’t read words off a teleprompter. Meanwhile, Sarah Palin said that if she’s elected president, she won’t read words.

The Republican Party is making automated robocalls to voters, blaming Democrats for the credit downgrade. Yeah, I thought I got a robocall from Mitt Romney. Turns out it was actually Mitt Romney.

Hershey’s announced that someone hacked into its website and changed a recipe. It's weird when your buddy is like “I hacked into the CIA and spied on Iran. What’d you do?” “Well, do you know walnut brownies? Now they’re pecan brownies!”

 
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