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Friday Jul 29 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

If the debt limit isn’t lifted in time, President Obama is going to switch to plan B: a nationwide going-out-of-business sale.

Someone said President Obama was wrong for telling the American people to call their representatives about the debt ceiling. If there’s one thing that congressmen hate, it’s being told what to do by the people that put them there.

Thirty-three Mexican soldiers were returned to Mexico after they accidentally crossed the border. They said they just got swept up in the crowd.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

If the movie “Cowboys and Aliens” is successful, they’ll start mixing other genres, like “Cowboys and Sharks.”

“Graphic novel” is a term used by geeks who don’t want you to know they still read comic books.

“Cowboys and Aliens” takes place in Arizona, which is weird. Who would have thought they would have problems with aliens in Arizona?

If aliens ever land on earth and demand to see our leader, our best chance of survival is to bring them to Lady Gaga.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The movie “Cowboys & Aliens” came out today! Yeah, “Cowboys & Aliens.” Or as Republicans call that, “Arizona.”

Some big election news. It’s rumored that Sarah Palin will announce her presidential campaign at a Labor Day rally in Iowa. Palin has a great speech planned — she’s like, “We have to do this as a team! Remember, there is no ‘I’ in Iowa!”

A restaurant in Sweden kicked out three customers because they didn’t finish their meals. No word where the customers were from, but I think we can rule out America.

 
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