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Friday Jul 22 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It was so hot in Iowa that Michele Bachmann couldn’t tell if her headache was a migraine or a brain freeze from her Slurpee.

Republican presidential candidate Jon Huntsman has fired his campaign manager, which is kind of sad because the only other person who knew Huntsman was running for president was the campaign manager.

In China they say piracy is so rampant that there are at least three fake Apple stores. It’s hard to put these people out of the business. If china arrests them for selling fake Apple products, they'll be sent to prison where they will be forced to make real Apple products.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

“Captain America” is set in the 1940s, when people thought smoking was healthy and for breakfast, they would eat bacon smothered in beef fat with a side of asbestos.

Back then, America had a ruined economy and was fighting wars with two different countries. It was a totally different time.

Captain America is patriotic. Of course, Superman wore the American colors, but he wasn’t born here — much like our president.

Captain America isn’t just patriotic, he’s also a real captain in the armed forces, not a made-up captain, like Captain Crunch.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In a new interview, President Obama said he wants a “debt ceiling deal” for his 50th birthday. Then he was like, “But if I can’t have that — iPad.”

Bank of America announced that it lost $9 billion in the second quarter. It’s not good. In fact, when I put my card in the ATM, it said, “Do you mind if I borrow this for a while?”

The U.S. Postal Service will start offering online previews of the stamps in its 2012 collection. That’s right, stamp previews. Finally answering the question — “What’s more boring than stamps?”

A new study found that your personality can trigger weight gain. Yeah, especially if you have the personality of a big fat guy.

 
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