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Monday Jun 27 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Rerun

Conan

Newt Gingrich says he does not support gay marriage. He says marriage is a sacred sacrament that should only be between a man and his first, second, and third wives.

Michele Bachmann said her hometown of Waterloo, Iowa, is the birthplace of John Wayne, when it is actually the birthplace of serial killer John Wayne Gacy. She then said her favorite sitcom from the 80s is “Charles Manson in Charge.”

Rod Blagojevich was found guilty of trying to sell President Obama’s Senate seat. As the verdict was read, Blagojevich’s face remained expressionless while his hair remained ridiculous.

Late Show with David Letterman

New York Gov. Cuomo legalized gay marriage. I think it’s great for everybody — especially divorce lawyers.

During the trial, Blagojevich got himself in trouble for texting photos of his hair.

Anthony Weiner is back in the private sector now. When he was a congressman from New York, I think it was his private sector that got him in trouble.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The Los Angeles Dodgers filed for bankruptcy. Digging out of this mess will be hard for them, but not as hard as winning two games in a row.

Being charged with racketeering doesn’t sound so bad. It sounds like you were cheating in a tennis game.

Whitey Bulger’s brother was a politician. So one brother was operating in a world with no morals, dealing with the lowest of the low, and the other one was a mobster.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Anthony Weiner was photographed this weekend dining with his wife and texting from his cell phone. Maybe he should put the phone away for a few years.

Rod Blagojevich was convicted of extortion, wire fraud, bribery, and criminal abuse of styling mousse.

Some of the counts Blagojevich was convicted of carry 10- to 20-year sentences, so he could be facing up to 300 years in prison. That’s a long time, even for a leprechaun.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

A hot dog company in Chicago is suing a rival for stealing its secret recipe. Just what we need — another weiner scandal.

A first-edition Charles Darwin book was returned to a library in Australia, 122 years late. You could tell it was a Darwin book because it actually evolved into an iPad.

A new study found that 10 percent of toddlers are overweight. That explains the most popular new stroller on the market: a wheelbarrow.

The author of “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” is releasing a new book that takes place 10 years later. You can tell the characters are getting older because now, the traveling pants have an elastic waistband.

 
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