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Tuesday Apr 26 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

A new poll shows that President Obama’s approval rating is down to 41 percent. A lot of people that voted for him now say they liked him a lot better when he was a Democrat.

The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden.

Former New Mexico Gov. Gary Johnson has announced that he will run for president in 2012. His campaign slogan: “Even I’ve never heard of me.”

House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama needs to grow up. And then he burst into tears.

Conan

Rerun

Late Show with David Letterman

Today was so beautiful that air traffic controllers were napping in the park.

Air traffic controllers have been falling asleep so they say they need sleep breaks — like the audience is having right now.

Lindsay Lohan has been in and out of rehab so many times that the cafeteria named a sandwich after her.

Lindsay has to do 120 days in jail and then 400 hours of community service in a morgue. While in the morgue, she plans to visit her career.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Katie Couric Future Plans

10
Embark on a controversial "My Perky Torpedo of Truth" Tour
9
Wants to be Gadhafi's nurse
8
Do newscast in her living room for her kitties just like Tom Brokaw
7
Goodbye CBS anchor job, hello CVS cashier job
6
Go to ABC, then after five years break their hearts
5
Move to Wichita and open a Dairy Queen
4
Host new 11:30 late night talk show on CBS. Sorry you had to find out this way, Dave
3
Hitchhike around the country, solve crimes, and kick butt
2
Lindsay Lohan set her up with a sweet gig at the Los Angeles county morgue
1
It involves a couch and a case of Rheingold
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Entertainment Tonight has been covering the royal wedding since before Prince William and Kate Middleton even met.

One of Charlie Sheen’s “goddesses” broke up with him because she wants to live in a less dangerous environment. So she moved into the puma exhibit at the San Diego Zoo.

The same day that Charlie Sheen loses a goddess, all of a sudden, Katie Couric announces that she’s leaving CBS News. Coincidence?

Donald Trump is now attacking President Obama’s grades, suggesting that he was a poor student. First it was the birth certificate, and now the grades. Trump won’t be happy until he proves that Obama doesn’t exist.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The Libyan government says Moammar Gadhafi is still in “high spirits,” even though his compound was destroyed this week. Most people would be devastated, but here’s the thing — he’s insane.

It was just revealed that Donald Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over 20 years. Or in simpler terms, Trump hasn’t voted in primary elections in over three wives.

Facebook just launched the “send” button, which lets you share Web articles with particular groups of friends. That’s good, because when I log onto Facebook, my first thought is, “Not enough people sending me things.”

While the cast of “Jersey Shore” shoots in Italy, they will be banned from drinking alcohol in public. Or as Snooki put it, “Is it possible to eat alcohol?”

 
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