Wednesday Apr 20 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner



The governor of Hawaii said he first met President Obama just days after he was born. He knew it was Obama because he kept pointing to his diaper and calling for “change.”

Sarah Palin has a 61 percent unfavorable rating in Alaska. That number jumps to 100 percent if you only ask the animals.

The Obama administration plans to give the Libyan rebels $25 million in non-lethal aid. The rebels look forward to starting an offensive with Super Soakers and t-shirt canons.

Late Show with David Letterman


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The people of Denmark are the happiest in the world. That confuses me because the only Dane I know is Hamlet and his whole monologue was about if he should kill himself.

The Danes are great because they gave us Great Danes.

Denmark is the happiest nation, and Sweden and Finland are No. 2 and No. 3. I call these countries the “axis of perky.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The cast of “Jersey Shore” must behave themselves while filming in Italy. So instead of getting blackout drunk and going home to make a sandwich, they’ll be getting blackout drunk and going home to make a Panini.

Donald Trump is apparently on top among Republican voters. People are responding to his straight-forward honesty, tough talk, and utter lunacy.

If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One.

Charlie Sheen was an hour late for his show in Washington, D.C. and he tweeted a picture of his police escort. Aren’t the police supposed to take Charlie Sheen from places?

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon


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