Tuesday Apr 19 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner



President Obama released his 2010 tax return. It turns out that he made $1.7 million and spent $14 trillion.

Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won’t run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head.

Gary Busey said he would vote for Donald Trump. Now Trump just needs to get the endorsements of Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen.

The FAA suspended an air traffic controller for watching a movie on the job. The controller said he was only watching a movie because he couldn’t sleep.

Late Show with David Letterman


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Elton John announced that he will be doing three years of shows at Caesars Palace. If you don’t know it, it’s a gaudy old landmark that’s past its best — and Caesars Palace is a casino.

The 2011 Pulitzer prizes were given out for excellence in journalism and as usual, I didn’t win a thing.

Most of you don’t think of me as a journalist — because I’m not.

I don’t get my news from the paper anymore, I just get it from my iPhone. The news is always the same: no service.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

President Obama celebrated Passover with a Seder at the White House. This morning, Donald Trump demanded to see Obama’s bar mitzvah certificate.

Trump accused George Stephanopoulos of being co-opted by Obama’s minions. Anyone who knows Stephanopoulos knows he’s minion-proof — and lactose intolerant.

Speaker of the House John Boehner says he will not host a Cinco de Mayo celebration this year. Boehner says he has nothing against Hispanic Americans, and in fact his speaker of the housekeeper is Hispanic.

Apparently there’s something about those poor, defenseless piñatas being beaten with sticks that makes Boehner cry.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon


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