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Monday Apr 18 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Rerun

Conan

NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew “The Apprentice.” So some good may come out of this.

President Obama is celebrating Passover with a Passover Seder. After hearing this, Sarah Palin said, “Ah, so he is a Muslim.”

Obama will participate in a town hall meeting hosted on Facebook. So just like everyone else in America, Obama will be on Facebook when he should be working.

To celebrate Kim Jong Il’s birthday. North Korea held the biggest magic show ever. Things got out of control when the magician pulled a rabbit out of his hat and it was immediately eaten by 28 million people.

Late Show with David Letterman

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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Forty percent of Americans say they would rather cut their own hair than do their taxes. And then there are people that would rather do neither. I’m talking to you, Willie Nelson.

The Department of Justice shut down the biggest online poker sites for violating the law. None of the poker players saw it coming because they were all wearing those stupid little sunglasses.

The poker sites broke the same law that prevents the banks from transferring money to offshore accounts. Now if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that Uncle Sam isn’t going to let banks screw people over.

President Obama’s critics are lashing out over him shutting down the poker sites. Sarah Palin called it an overreaction, Tim Pawlenty said it was irrational, and Donald Trump said, “Be sure to watch ‘Celebrity Apprentice.’”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.

Every year, I include a piece of chicken in the envelope with my taxes. Not as a bribe, just a little treat for the guy at the IRS who opens it.

I got a lot of money back this year. I claimed Justin Bieber as a dependent.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

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