Wednesday Mar 23 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It’s one humiliation after another for Moammar Gadhafi. First his own people started rising up against him, then his compound was bombed, and now he’s getting beaten up by the French.

The Pentagon says that U.S. operations in Libya are limited and have a definite end date. I don’t believe that. We still have troops in Germany.

Germany has pulled its forces out of NATO over Libya. When the Germans don’t want to fight and the French do, the whole world is upside down.

We’re fighting three wars now. Imagine how many we’d be fighting if President Obama hadn’t won the Nobel Peace Prize.


It’s being reported that Moammar Gadhafi is surrounded by an elite core of female bodyguards. In a related story, Charlie Sheen invaded Libya.

The name of the U.S. operation in Libya is “Odyssey Dawn.” It’s the first military action to be named by Crabtree & Evelyn.

On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they’re apologizing all the time. They responded saying, “Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.”

The NAACP is taking a greater interest in attracting leaders from the gay community. This explains their new name, the “National Association for the Advancement of Color-Coordinated People.”

Late Show with David Letterman

Gas prices are going crazy. In fact, ABC has a new show called “Carpooling With the Stars.”

Donald Trump says he will run for president. He’ll have to find a cabinet position for that thing on his head.

Trump says that if he’s elected, he won’t let the presidency interfere with the Miss Universe pageant.

How would Trump travel as president? Obviously, he’d use Hair Force One.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs You've Been Watching Too Much College Basketball

Answer the phone, "Hellohio State?"
Been having erotic dreams about Verne Lundquist
Named kids Xavier, Duke, and Notre Dame
You've started injecting nacho cheese intravenously
Begin each day by inflating your pants
You ask your girlfriend to marry you using a dry erase board
No No. 4 — writer at Buffalo Wild Wings waiting for games to start
Actually know what “truTV” is — Honestly, people, what the heck kind of a name is that?
You've spent thousands on plastic surgery to look like Jim Boeheim
Your wife refers to your fat butt as the "Big South"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


Jimmy Kimmel Live

Charlie Sheen is still a big story because, honestly, none of us know where Libya is.

I like to think that I watch “American Idol” so that no one else has to.

President Obama has to cut his trip to Latin America short because of the situation in Libya — and to check on his NCAA brackets.

No one can agree on how to spell Gadhafi’s name. He’s like the Hanukkah of dictators.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

President Obama is cutting his trip to Latin America short by a few hours because of the situation in Libya. So to everyone who said Obama didn’t care about Libya, you’re wrong. He cares three hours worth.

There’s a new iPhone app that provides turn-by-turn directions in stores, stadiums, and museums. The other thing it provides: really angry people walking behind you.

A man in Texas used his obituary to ask for donations to anyone running against Obama in 2012. And then his ghost was offered a nightly show on Fox News.

Hillary Clinton said that Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi is engaged in “theater.” Which explains the new strategy to defeat him: casting him as the lead in “Spider-Man: the Musical.”

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