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Tuesday Mar 22 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

CBS is reportedly in talks to bring Charlie Sheen back to “Two and a Half Men.” It just goes to show you that good behavior is rewarded.

According to Newsweek, 73 percent of Americans can’t say why we fought the Cold War. This sounds bad until you consider that no one in the White House can tell us why we’re fighting the Libya war.

We know more about President Obama’s basketball picks than his plans for Libya.

Sarah Palin visited Israel. As if the Jews have not suffered enough.

Conan

A problem for our military in Libya is that they can’t tell the rebels from Gadhafi’s military. The U.N. has now declared that the war be fought as “shirts vs. skins.”

Lindsay Lohan’s father was arrested in West Hollywood. He was immediately placed in the county jail’s Lohan wing.

Marijuana farmers in California are worried that radiation from Japan could affect their crops. Maybe, for some reason, they’re just being paranoid.

A 400 pound former Sumo wrestler ran in the L.A. Marathon. He should be done jiggling by June.

Late Show with David Letterman

Charlie Sheen sold out Radio City Music Hall twice. Bring the kids because it’s the Easter show.

CBS says that after all of Charlie’s odd behavior, they’re thinking about bringing him back to “Two and a Half Men.” That’ll teach him.

It will be great to have Charlie Sheen back on TV. Lights, camera, train wreck.

We now have wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Libya. They call it a “theater” of war but this is a multiplex.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs You're Dumb

10
Whenever you see a pudding commercial, you lick the screen
9
Word you use most often: "Huh?"
8
Call the police every week to report witnessing a crime on "Law & Order"
7
You know exactly how much loose change you can fit in your nose
6
While brushing your teeth, always wonder why they call it a "toothbrush"
5
You call the Mets and ask when playoff tickets go on sale
4
Can't understand why it's a "5-day forecast" and not a "5-day fivecast"
3
You answer most questions with, "I'd like to solve the puzzle"
2
You're enjoying this crap
1
Often begin sentences with, "Glenn Beck said something fascinating . . . "
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Chris Brown flipped out after an interview on “Good Morning America,” smashing a window with a chair. I guess he’s not a morning person.

Brown apparently got so mad that he tore his shirt off. That’s supposed to happen on “WrestleMania,” not “Good Morning America.”

President Obama is doing business in Latin America this week. I guess regular America isn’t good enough for him anymore.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Everyone is focused on March Madness but there haven’t been any games in a few days. It’s been so boring that President Obama has decided to focus on the situations in Libya and Japan.

Moammar Gadhafi is said to be hanging out in a series of underground tunnels. That’s basically admitting you’re evil.

A new study found that many woodwind and brass instruments used by high school bands are contaminated with bacteria. Kids must remember to always practice safe sax.

New York City has a new service that lets you fight a traffic ticket online. To make it feel like you’re talking to a real clerk, you’re computer will spend the whole time chewing gum and talking to a friend on the phone.

 
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