Monday Mar 21 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It was raining so hard in Los Angeles that Charlie Sheen changed his slogan from “winning” to “drowning.”

Remember when President Obama said we can’t fight two wars and vowed to change our policy? Well, he did. Now we’re fighting three wars.

Obama said we will send economic aid to Libya to help the Libyan people reach their dreams. And if that works, they’ll try it here.

Cocaine was found at the Kennedy Space Center. It’s one small step for man, and one giant leap for Charlie Sheen.


The Fox network is considering giving a talk show to Charlie Sheen. It would be the only show with a 30-hour monologue.

Sarah Palin visited the Wailing Wall in Israel. There was an awkward moment when she asked, “So this keeps the Mexicans out?”

The strikes on Libya are costing $100 million. Or, in Moammar Gadhafi terms, five Beyonce concerts.

There was an essay question on the SATs this year about reality TV. In other news, China has won.

Late Show with David Letterman

Charlie Sheen sold out Radio City Music Hall twice. Winning! Now he has two weeks to come up with a show. Nervous!

The moon appeared 30 percent bigger this past weekend. That’s great, unless you’re a werewolf.

The “Today” show featured the cat with the loudest purr. I guess there’s nothing else to report.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


Jimmy Kimmel Live

It rained really hard in California. It’s God’s way of trying to flush out the “Real Housewives of Orange County.”

It rained on the L.A. Marathon. Fortunately, unlike other marathons, in the L.A. Marathon you’re allowed to drive your car.

An Ethiopian man won the marathon and broke all the records. He had never run in a race and he had a bad stomach going into it. In fact, he didn’t even know he was in a marathon.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

AT&T has decided to buy T-Mobile for $39 billion. It was a tough call for AT&T, but then again, every call is a tough call for AT&T.

Optometrists say the new Nintendo 3DS can spot lazy eyes in children. It can also spot lazy optometrists.

Sarah Palin visited Israel. She says she likes all religions, “whether they celebrate Christmas or Jewish.”

A new study found that elderly people lack the coordination to talk on cell phones while crossing the street. But it’s still really fun to watch them try.

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