Happy Presidents Day. Or, as it’s being called in the Middle East, Happy Overthrow Your Presidents Day.
Yemen’s president says that despite protests, he won’t leave office. His exact words were, “The Oscars are Sunday, I have a widescreen TV at the palace. You do the math.”
They’re calling the Middle East uprisings the “Jasmine Revolution.” Historians say it’s the first revolution that could double as a new scent of Febreze.
Texas is reportedly going to give college students the right to carry guns on campus. So I guess that next semester, every college student in Texas is getting straight A’s.
They say President Lincoln once walked three miles to pay back a penny. That makes him the last president to do anything about the debt.
People in Libya want Moammar Gadhafi to leave. The problem is, he’ll be replaced by his idiot son, Moammar W. Gadhafi.
There’s a real threat to tyrants who have used brutal tactics to seize power. The one who should really be worried is Leno.
If Gov. Scott Walker is driven out of power in Wisconsin, there will be a power vacuum that may be filled by the Muslim Brotherhood.
Happy Presidents Day. This is a day when we celebrate history by getting great deals on mattresses.
I’m glad we have a day for the presidents, but shouldn’t we have a day for Congress when the Senate and the House can kick back and not worry about getting anything done? Oh, wait.
A lot of people have Presidents Day off, especially people who work for the government, like postal workers — and investment bankers.
It’s not fun to be president. Half the country hates you and the other half is disappointed in you. I know exactly what that’s like.