Friday Jan 21 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

While in Washington, Chinese President Hu Jintao met with members of Congress. It was very festive as the leader of Red China met with our orange speaker of the House.

While visiting Chicago, President Hu met with Cubs fans. Apparently, he wanted to see some Americans who have suffered more human rights violations than his own people.

Even though President Hu was only in Chicago for two days, by the Rahm Emanuel standard, he was able to establish residency and can now run for mayor of Chicago.

Ivanka Trump, the beautiful daughter of Donald Trump, has announced that she's pregnant. She doesn't care whether it's a boy or a girl, as long as it doesn't have Donald Trump’s hair.

Late Show with David Letterman

A new study shows that taxicabs in New York City are harder to find during rush hour. Really?

Also, barstools are harder to find during happy hour. The study was conducted by the “American Council of Stuff We Already Know.”

Mayor Bloomberg wants to pass a law to make food carts serve healthier foods. He’s trying to reduce the cholesterol of the rats.

They arrested a 93-year-old criminal in New York City. Nothing yet on Osama bin Laden.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs You Have NFL Playoffs Fever

You've been spreading Icy Hot on your morning bagel
Got your wife a makeover so she'd look more like Brian Urlacher
Find yourself giving a motivational speech to the UPS guy
You answer the phone, "Hut, hut, hello?"
You just posted your first YouTube foot fetish video
You have a high fever and a rash over most of your body (actually, that's a sign you have Dengue fever. In that case, consult a physician immediately)
Keep asking co-workers to shower as a group
You pick up your meatloaf and run through the house yelling, "Touchdown!"
Built life-size sculpture of Mark Sanchez out of caulk and dryer lint
Just ruined a wedding by dumping Gatorade on the bride
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Snooki’s first novel has made the New York Times Best Sellers list. The other three horsemen of the apocalypse are riding close behind.

Snooki spent the day celebrating, drinking champagne and tequila — and then she found out about her book’s success.

Anne Hathaway has been cast as Catwoman in the next Batman movie. I guess I took all those photos wearing the leather bodysuit for nothing.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Oprah was in Australia for a week. She liked it so much that she’s putting it on a boat and having it shipped to her house.

Oprah gave away many gifts to her audience, and each person even went home with their own Aborigine.

A Tucson taco shop is going to start selling tacos with lion meat. Just when you think Arizona is tapped out on crazy, they roar back with a vengeance.

Maybe we should be eating the more dangerous animals. Nobody has ever had a chicken chase them down and snap their neck.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

A 30-second trailer for Justin Bieber’s new movie is going to air right after the Super Bowl. Incidentally, “Super Bowl” is also the name of Justin Bieber’s haircut.

Snooki from “Jersey Shore” said that her new book, “A Shore Thing,” just made the New York Times Best Sellers list. Up next: locusts.

Taco Bell pulled its ads during MTV’s new show “Skins” because of its inappropriate content. MTV was like, “Really, Taco Bell? We have inappropriate content? Have you seen what’s inside a chalupa?”

A new study found that birth control pills don’t cause weight gain. But you know what does cause weight gain? Not taking birth control pills.

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