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Friday Jan 07 2011

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Hugh Hefner’s new 24-year-old wife claims that she can’t see the 60-year age difference. She apparently can’t tell the difference between a grape and a raisin either.

He’s 84 and she’s 24. In six years, she’ll be 30, and he’ll be — dead.

Hefner’s wife says they like doing things together, like taking long walks — to the bathroom.

The Obama administration announced that the economy added 103,000 new jobs in December — mostly to homeless radio announcers.

Late Show with David Letterman

Happy birthday to Elvis Presley. He would have been 76 years old. His fans are already converging on Graceland for a candle-light buffet.

Elvis changed the face of movies and music. He made 35 movies, and in every one, he played a singing race-car driver.

Hugh Hefner married his 24-year-old girlfriend. Isn’t it the dream of every 24-year-old girl to marry an aging smut-king?

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Questions To Ask Yourself Before Marrying A 110-Year-Old Man

10
Should we just date for a while?
9
Do I get along with his parents?
8
Should I just marry two 55-year-olds?
7
Why?
6
I thought he said he was 104 on Match.com
5
Is the adjustable bed large enough for two?
4
Am I ready to raise his 88-year-old son?
3
Seriously, why?
2
Wait a minute. I thought Regis was married?
1
Am I just in this for the sex?
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It’s a great day because Khloe Kardashian dyed her hair red. The reaction has been mostly positive, except for the people that mistake her for Chuck Norris.

I’m not worried about Khloe Kardashian getting mad at me, but I’m a little worried about Chuck Norris.

A 105-year-old woman in New Zealand has become the world’s oldest driver. She uses the car mostly to annoy the heck out of people.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

California Congresswoman Lynn Woolsey referred to the war in Afghanistan as a “national embarrassment.” Then she watched the premiere of “Jersey Shore” and was like, “Never mind.”

A new study found that humans started wearing clothes about 170,000 years ago. In fact, the first sentence ever spoken was, “Me look fat in this?”

A teenager in the northwest survived 10 hours on a mountain using tips from the Discovery Channel show “Man vs. Wild.” And also, because it was only 10 hours.

TLC is coming out with a new show called “Extreme Couponing.” But it takes so long that all the other shows behind it are asking to open up another channel.

 
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