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Monday Nov 29 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

There’s a Nerf automatic dart gun that fires 60 darts in 20 seconds. Our kids are so fat now that it takes 60 darts to take them down.

Federal workers have had their pay frozen for two years. The worst part is that the workers found out on WikiLeaks.

WikiLeaks has released thousands of classified documents that could be detrimental to the United States. Usually, when something this embarrassing about the United States is revealed, it’s because Joe Biden said it.

A man was arrested on Black Friday at a Walmart in Palm Beach, Fla. carrying a gun, two knives, and a grenade. Residents of Palm Beach were stunned and said, “We have a Walmart here?”

Conan

Today is Cyber Monday, the big online shopping day. It will be followed by Identity Theft Tuesday.

President Obama was elbowed during a basketball game and had to receive 12 stitches. Obama said it was almost as embarrassing as the time he was dunked on by Barney Frank.

In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we have to stand with “our North Korean allies.” When told that North Korea is not our ally, Palin said, “Sorry, I meant East Korean allies.”

Time Warner Cable is testing a premium service which sets a specific time for the cable installer to arrive. The two times available are winter and spring.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

I’m sure everyone is already missing their loved ones. And by loved ones, I mean the TSA guys that give you the pat-down.

President Obama needed 12 stitches after taking an elbow to the mouth during a basketball game, but he learned a valuable lesson: Don’t get in the way of Hillary’s tomahawk jab.

WikiLeaks is a website that gets a hold of classified information and releases it to the public. They get all kinds of top secret stuff: White House memos, government e-mails, the truth about Lady Gaga . . .

The name “WikiLeaks” doesn’t sounds like espionage. It sounds like Barbara Walters interviewing Ricky Martin.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

If you’re a turkey or a sweet potato, congratulations on making it through the weekend alive.

It turns out that it’s not the turkey that makes you sleepy — it’s being drunk at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday.

President Obama took an elbow to the face last week and had to get 12 stitches. He was in line at Best Buy trying to get a $49 Blu-ray player.

Black Friday is getting crazier every year. On Thanksgiving Thursday, we give thanks for the truly meaningful things, and then on Friday, we go out and stab each other to save $6.99 on a Nintendo DS.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Rerun

 
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