Thursday Nov 04 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Tuesday was bad for President Obama. Voters threw away the hope and just went for the change.

Obama lost 66 Democrats — and not one of them was Joe Biden.

Ohio Republican John Boehner will take over for Nancy Pelosi. Those are some big eyes to fill.

The government will pump an additional $600 billion into the economy. I guess they have to make up for what Meg Whitman isn’t spending anymore.

Late Show with David Letterman

Nobody’s laughing at my John Boehner tattoo now.

The president is going to India. He’ll be traveling on Air Force One-Term.

Sarah Palin says she wants more limited government. Does that mean fewer elected officials, or just elected officials that resign in the middle of their terms?

Former President George W. Bush is releasing a book called “Decision Points.” I’ve already made a decision not to buy it.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Scientists in Scotland say they’re inventing an invisibility cloak. If you want to make a Scotsman invisible, just give him a talk show on CBS at 12:30.

The world’s oldest woman passed away at the age of 114. So the curse of the world’s oldest woman continues.

President Obama is getting ready to leave Washington. Not leaving for good — he’ll do that in a couple years.

India is famous for its Darjeeling tea, but President Obama won’t be interested in tea parties of any kind.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

President Obama will be traveling to India. After Tuesday’s election, he decided to move there.

Kim Kardashian is reportedly working on a new album. I didn’t know she had any musical talent. You don’t just make an album because you’re famous. Oh, you do?

The rapper Lil Wayne was released from prison today. He was greeted by his family — Medium Wayne, Large Wayne, and Morbidly Obese Wayne.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Former President George W. Bush reveals in his book that he considered dropping Dick Cheney to prove he was in charge. But then Cheney nixed the idea.

The unemployment rate has gone up — by about 65 Democrats.

A federal court has decided to extend the military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, even though it was recently overturned. Which means it’s time for some soldiers to implement a policy called “I was just kidding.”

This weekend is the New York City Marathon, the one race in America that has yet to be insulted by Mel GIbson.

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