Friday Oct 15 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Vice President Joe Biden told The New York Times that President Obama has asked him to run again in 2012. The bad news? Nobody is asking Obama yet.

A New York City artist kept a McDonald's happy meal on her kitchen table, untouched, for six months. It did not decompose at all. It looks the exactly the same. In fact, the toy actually decomposed quicker than the hamburger.

For the second year in a row, people on Social Security will not get a cost of living increase. So more bad news for Brett Favre.

Late Show with David Letterman

“Jackass 3D” just opened. It’s the life story of New York gubernatorial candidate Carl Paladino.

“The Mentalist” has psychic powers. He can tell the difference between “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” and “Real Housewives of Orange County.”

Some cruise line is going to recreate the voyage of the Titanic. What could possibly go wrong?

Red onions are supposed to be good for lowering cholesterol. They say that if you eat one red onion a day, you’ll live alone, but you’ll live longer.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

In “Jackass 3D,” they play tetherball with a beehive. Which is fun, unless you’re a bee.

Philosophy is a struggle to answer the most basic questions in life such as “Why are we here;” “Where do we come from;” and “What the hell was Brett Favre thinking?”

One of Nietzsche’s beliefs was that every person has different sides like free will versus destiny, good versus evil, or Mary Kate versus Ashley.

I don’t believe in nihilism. I’m in de-nihilism.

Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Starting in January, couples can actually get married at McDonald’s in Hong Kong. I’m not saying those marriages won’t work, but when have you been to a McDonald’s and not regretted it one hour later?

A man in India just moved into a billion-dollar home with 27 floors. It’s really hard to make excuses when friends ask to crash on his couch. He’s like, “Oh, ordinarily I’d totally let you stay, but I already have like 2,000 friends staying with me.”

Robert Redford was knighted in France yesterday. I don’t want to brag, but I was also knighted. Which was a huge honor because usually, Medieval Times will only do that on your birthday.

One of the 33 Chilean miners revealed that they all joked about cannibalism while they were trapped. He was like, “If you don't believe me, ask the 34th guy — I mean . . . never mind.”

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