Monday Oct 11 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Christine O’Donnell’s new ad says she didn’t go to Yale, like her opponent. I don’t think she really needs to tell us that.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie canceled a tunnel they were digging from New Jersey into New York. Apparently, New Yorkers found out about it.

It’s being reported that the economy lost 95,000 jobs in September. And that’s just people leaving the White House.

The White House is becoming like “Dancing With the Stars.” Every week, someone is voted off.

Late Show with David Letterman

I know why everyone is in a good mood. It’s Columbus Day.

Charlie the smoking chimpanzee passed away. Let this be a warning for all you teenage chimps.

The Nobel Prize in the fiction category went to Christine O’Donnell’s resume.

To give you an idea of how long those coal miners have been trapped underground in Chile, they still think Conan O’Brien is the host of “The Tonight Show.”

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Brett Favre Excuses

"Part of my audition for 'Jackass 3D'"
"Uh, I was dehydrated?"
"An autograph seemed so impersonal"
"Too many concussions"
"Meant to send it to Commissioner Goodell"
"No habla Ingles"
"Offensive line let me down"
"Don't blame me, I voted for Kucinich"
"If I can't text inappropriate photos, then the terrorists have won"
"Thought the cell phone was gum"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Happy Columbus Day, everyone. It’s the day we pay tribute to Ohio’s most exciting city.

Columbus had lots of stuff named after him. The only thing I have named after me is this crappy show.

A man was arrested for streaking at President Obama’s rally in Philadelphia. Thankfully, the police were able to restrain and clothe Joe Biden.

Someone actually threw a book at the president. When Obama saw something fly by, he said, “Christine O’Donnell on a broom!”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

It’s Canadian Thanksgiving Day. On this day, Canadians gather with their families to give thanks that Celine Dion moved to Las Vegas.

Carl Paladino criticized his opponent for marching in a gay pride parade. I guess he’s planning on decorating the governor’s mansion himself.

Google has been testing driver-free cars, which drive themselves with computers and robotics. I once welded a Rumba vacuum to my steering wheel and it didn’t work at all.

The CEO of Google says that cars should be able to drive themselves, which may lead to a new level of drunkenness in America.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

A Greek billionaire is giving a million dollars to a man that ran naked in front of President Obama in Philadelphia. Obama called the stunt “highly immature” while Biden called it “totally worth it.”

I bought one of those memory foam mattresses. It’s amazing. It actually molds to the shape of your bedbugs.

The Swedish prime minister was re-elected. He was happy to keep his seat, mostly because it took 85 hours to assemble from Ikea.

A high school in Texas has a new club where girls don’t wear make-up. It’s called the softball team.

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