Wednesday Oct 06 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Former vice president and presidential candidate Walter Mondale criticized President Obama for using teleprompters. He called them "idiot boards." Of course, Democrats were stunned. They said, "Walter Mondale is still alive?"

Bob Woodward told CNN yesterday that an Obama/Hillary ticket is on the table for 2012, though some insiders say that Obama doesn’t feel he needs Hillary on the ticket. At this point, I don't think Hillary feels that she needs Obama on the ticket.

A story in the paper said that a picture of Lindsay Lohan in rehab would sell for $100,000. Today, police arrested a man with a camera who tried to force his way into the rehab facility to get the picture. His name is Michael Lohan.

Linguists have discovered a new language spoken by a remote tribe in India that's understood by only 1,000 people. I believe the language is called "tech support."

Late Show with David Letterman

Christine O’Donnell has a new commercial where she says, “I’m not a witch.” Isn’t that exactly what a witch would say?

A study shows that in three and a half hours of baseball, there were only 14 minutes of action. It’s like my wedding night.

Donald Trump is running for president. He’s already got a short list of running mates. He’s thinking about Cyndi Lauper, Hulk Hogan, Melissa Rivers, Sharon Osbourne . . . He’s ready to go.

Trump refers to the White House as a “200-year-old tear-down.”

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs There's Trouble at Fox News

Accidentally said something positive about a Democrat
News ticker reads "Bosses crazy, send help"
Today's top story: Is there anything more delicious than bacon?
Been criticizing Obama for not doing enough to prevent World War I
Bill O'Reilly inviting guests to enter the "No Pants Zone"
Crime stories eerily similar to plot of most recent "Hawaii Five-O"
Spent five hours today breaking down the Mets playoff chances
Thinking about hiring Rick Sanchez
Since June, Glenn Beck has been doing this nonstop (Beck barking)
They're thinking of giving the 10:00 p.m. slot to Leno
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

I’ve had the flu all week. I’m half sick and half well. I’m the flu version of bi-curious.

It’s Nobel Prize week. Alfred Nobel was a Swedish chemist who invented dynamite. It seems strange to have a peace prize named after the guy that invented dynamite.

Gandhi never won the peace prize. Gandhi was furious over that. Whenever anyone brought it up, he beat them up.

Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

I read about a 12-year-old boy in Mexico who is the youngest matador in the world. Not only that, I hear he also has the worst parents in the world.

President Obama wants community colleges to produce an additional 5 million graduates by 2020. People in community college were like, “Whoa, you want us to finish in only 10 years? Stop with the pressure.”

A new study found that Neanderthals were actually more clever and better looking than previously thought. It’s the same conclusion I reached when I watched the second season of “Jersey Shore.”

A man in Oregon set his boss’s car on fire because he was about to be fired. Man, if getting fired makes him set things on fire, I don’t want to see what happens when he gets dumped.

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