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Friday Aug 13 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

According to U.S. and Iraqi commanders, if the U.S. pulls out of Iraq, their borders will be vulnerable and they won’t be able to stop anyone from entering their country. Well, join the club.

President Obama may be willing to meet with Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. How does that make the governor of Arizona feel? The president won’t meet with her, but a four-foot tall Holocaust-denier in a Members Only jacket? No problem.

The White House is defending President Obama’s sports activities over the past week, saying that everyone needs leisure time. Thanks to these economic policies, 9.5 percent of Americans have all the leisure time they need.

The economy is so bad, the Obamas are thinking about taking their next vacation in the United States.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

In “The Expendables,” Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger beat up Sylvester Stallone for convincing them to invest in Planet Hollywood.

Schwarzenegger was only in the movie for five minutes, but during that five minutes, he achieved more than in all his years as governor.

When Schwarzenegger heard the title “The Expendables,” he thought it was in reference to California’s teachers.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Al-Jazeera’s English-speaking channel was nominated for an International Emmy. On the red carpet, Joan Rivers will be like, “Who are you wearing? And why is it ticking?”

A new survey found that 48 percent of Americans are willing to try out a nude beach for vacation. And my guess is that it’s the wrong 48 percent.

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s songs will be available soon for a karaoke game for Xbox 360. If you like Andrew Lloyd Webber’s music and you play Xbox 360 — who are you?

A 53-year-old man known as the “Granddad Bandit” was arrested for robbing banks. Fifty-three years old and he’s the “Granddad Bandit?” Sounds more like the “Midlife Crisis Bandit.” Or maybe the “Ask Your Doctor About Cialis Bandit.”

 
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