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Wednesday Aug 11 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

If anyone is looking for a job, there’s an opening for a flight attendant at JetBlue.

Steven Slater, the famous JetBlue flight attendant, dropped so many F-bombs on that plane that he got a thumbs up from Joe Biden.

The New Orleans Saints visited the White House. They presented President Obama with a Saints jersey with the number 44, in honor of his approval rating.

A team of British engineers have developed a car that runs on human waste. I’ll bet that new car smell doesn’t last very long.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Disney World announced that they’re opening a special resort for dogs. Let’s just hope Michael Vick doesn’t win the Super Bowl this year.

Health officials in Oregon have shut down a 7-year-old girl’s lemonade stand because she didn’t have a license. Officials haven’t issued a statement yet. They’re busy popping balloon animals and stomping on sand castles.

If the government can shut down a rinky-dink operation like that, how long can this show go on?

My grandfather used to take my brother and I to watch wrestling. We would watch big, angry men do unspeakable acts of violence to each other for no reason. Then we would leave the house and go watch the wrestling.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Everyone is talking about Steven Slater, the flight attendant who cursed at a passenger, grabbed two beers, and slid down the escape slide, which may be the best resignation ever. In fact he’s so good at quitting, they’re thinking about making him the next governor of Alaska.

It could be the first time in history that someone has been arrested for going down an inflatable slide.

The Mexican Supreme Court ruled that all Mexican states must recognize same-sex marriages registered in Mexico City. So men can now marry in Mexico, but they still can’t honeymoon in Arizona.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Levi Johnston is running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska. The current mayor said Levi Johnston should get his high school diploma and keep his clothes on if he wants to win. And then Levi was like, “Dude, he just told me how to win. What an idiot.”

Jennifer Lopez has reportedly been dropped as a potential “American Idol” judge because her demands were getting unreasonable. Apparently, she was asking for the impossible — viewers.

A Krispy Kreme employee in North Carolina accidentally gave a customer $5,000 inside a donut box. When the customer opened the box, he was like, “Where are my donuts?”

A farmer in Idaho unknowingly watered and fertilized more than 300 marijuana plants. He should have realized something was up when his alarm went off and his rooster was like “Bro, I’m trying to sleep over here!”

 
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