Friday Aug 06 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The Senate has confirmed Elena Kagan for the Supreme Court. She now has a job for life. Just like Lindsay Lohan's probation officer.

This week in 1861, the first federal income tax was instituted to pay for the Civil War. These days, we don't worry about that kind of stuff. Our wars are paid for by our grandchildren.

Shaquille O'Neal is going to play for the Boston Celtics. I don't want to say Shaq is getting old, but he announced his decision in a one-hour special on The History Channel.

Lindsay Lohan's father has written a song for his daughter about their relationship. It's called, "I know I've made mistakes, but I need another $300."

Late Show with David Letterman


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The new “Jackass” movie will be in 3-D. That’s how you know Oscar season is here.

Nothing says “Oscar season” like a midget getting blasted out of a Porta-Potty in 3-D.

I don’t like the show “So You Think You Can Dance.” The title is kind of condescending. It’s like saying, “So that’s what you’re going to wear?”

It’s a big week for gays. There’s the gay conservatives thing happening, Prop 8 was overturned, and the movie “Step Up 3-D” is coming out.

Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

There’s a new iPhone app that lets you call your Facebook friends from your phone. Of course, I only got on Facebook so I wouldn’t have to call these people.

You know those controversial TSA full-body scanners? Well, they’re coming to airports here in New York next month. Great. Normally I take a Xanax before I fly, now I have to take a Viagra.

Disney World is getting ready to open a resort for dogs and other pets. They’re already calling it the “Crappiest Place on Earth.”

A company in Britain has created a car that can be powered by human waste. It's cool, but it gets a little uncomfortable when your buddy asks you to "chip in" for gas.

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