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Friday Jul 16 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Today is a day of cautious optimism. The BP well has been capped and Lindsay Lohan is in rehab, but we’re not sure how long either one is going to hold.

For the first time since April, oil has stopped gushing into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m not sure what engineers they used to fix it but I think we can rule out the guys who created the new iPhone 4.

Apple will now offer a free iPhone case for all iPhone users. It’s not going to help reception, but it protects the iPhone after you throw it against the wall.

Experts are now saying that these thousands of accidents caused by Toyotas were really driver error. The driver error was buying a Toyota.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rumors are that Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston are going to film a reality show. Sarah Palin says she can’t wait to start shooting, but that’s totally unrelated.

The average person has 40 dreams per night. The most potent dreams happen between midnight and 2 a.m. So maybe you’re dreaming right now.

You’re not dreaming, because dreams have way better lighting than this. This is a nightmare.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

BP stopped the oil leak at 3:25 p.m. Eastern Time. And at 3:26 p.m., Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan began jockeying for the title of "biggest disaster."

Someone in Utah is sending an anonymous letter to state lawmakers with names of people who are suspected to be illegal immigrants. Some lawmakers saw members of their own communities on the list and were like “No way — Jose?”

To celebrate National Ice Cream Day on Sunday, Baskin Robbins is retiring five flavors. Really? That’s like celebrating Grandparent’s Day by pulling the plug.

Liza Minnelli is releasing a new album in September called “Confessions.” It’s called “Confessions” because if you’re a dude who buys it, you may have just made a "confession" of your own.

 
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