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Monday Jul 12 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Spanish people all over the world celebrated Spain’s first World Cup championship, except, of course, in Arizona.

This week, China gave a vote of confidence in the U.S. dollar. You know why? Because they own them all.

According to Buckingham Palace, the British royal family could be broke by 2012. That’s what happens when nobody in your family has a job in 600 years.

The Vatican posted a financial loss for the third straight year in a row. In fact, to make ends meet, they’ve had to rob Peter to pay Paul.

Late Show with David Letterman

It’s been so hot in New York City that, just to cool off, airplanes have been landing in the Hudson.

It was so hot here that I didn’t mind getting a cold shoulder from the Television Academy.

Larry King is retiring. But is he actually leaving or is he leaving like Jay Leno leaves?

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Mel Gibson Excuses

10
"It was the vodka talking"
9
"Driven insane by World Cup vuvuzelas"
8
"Ate some bad kangaroo meat"
7
"Believe me, the remarks were much less offensive in their original Aramaic"
6
"Hey any publicity's good publicity, right? Hello? Anyone?"
5
"Normally I drink decaf"
4
"Uh, wrong number?"
3
"It was the great Frank Caliendo — that guy can imitate anyone!"
2
"Thought she was one of them Russian spies"
1
"Wanted to show the Jews I'm an equal-opportunity offender"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Authorities in Switzerland have decided not to extradite Roman Polanski to the U.S. Now the FBI will have to go with their backup plan to invite Polanski to host the Teen Choice Awards.

The YMCA is changing their name to just “The Y” and people are like “What?” And by people, I mean the Village People.

I had an accident on an alpine slide. If you’ve never been on an alpine slide, it’s like a waterslide without the water. Until my accident, then it became like a waterslide.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

RadarOnline has posted a tape of Mel Gibson yelling profanities at his ex-girlfriend. He called her some horrible names that no one wants to be called — like “Mel Gibson’s girlfriend.”

LeBron James was in New York this weekend for Carmelo Anthony’s wedding. When they asked him if he wanted chicken or steak, he held an hour-long special to announce his decision.

The American Association of Nude Recreation tried to break the record for the most people skinny dipping at once. In other news, the oil spill is now the second-most disgusting ocean disaster of all time.

Pfizer has created a chewable version of Lipitor for children with high cholesterol. You can find it at CVS in the “What the Heck Is Happening to Us” aisle.

 
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