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Wednesday Nov 11 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Three young Americans have been charged with espionage in Iran after straying into the country while hiking in Iraq. Obviously, we all pray for their safe return. But, hiking in Iraq? If you are hiking in Iraq and Iran, you might want to get a new travel agent. Who goes hiking in Iraq? What, was the rafting trip to Somalia all booked up?

Remember that congressman, William Jefferson, who the FBI caught with $90,000 in bribe money in his freezer? Well, he was convicted of 11 counts of bribery and corruption and prosecutors asked for the harshest prison sentence ever handed down for a member of Congress. Something like 20 years. The congressman still maintains he did nothing wrong. He claims he just fell in with the wrong crowd. Congress. That's a bad crowd.

Has anyone seen this new movie, "The Men Who Stare at Goats?" It's rated "R" here in the U.S., but in the Middle East it's rated "X" for nudity.

Well folks, it's happened again. This time at Heathrow Airport. A pilot was pulled off a United Airlines jet before take-off because he was drunk. Here's how drunk the guy was. He was pulled off a United jet, but he was a Delta pilot. That's a bad sign.

Conan

Yesterday former President Bill Clinton talked to Senate Democrats about the healthcare bill, and he told them to not make the same mistakes he and Hillary did. As a result, the senators all went home and got a divorce.

It’s just been reported that outspoken anti-immigration anchor Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN. He’ll be replaced by a guy named Juan who’ll do the job for $5 an hour.

The AMA is urging the federal government not to classify marijuana as a dangerous drug and to do more research. That request came not only from the AMA but also from KFC.

Late Show with David Letterman

Not available.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

No Category

10.
Replace beef with Canada geese — it's a Sullen-burger.
9.
"Words George W. Bush Can't Pronounce" for a hundred, Alex.
8.
Claimed she could see Russian dressing from her house.
7.
Vibrating underpants.
6.
Don't look now but Kate Hudson's dating the Balloon Boy's crazy dad.
5.
Screw Thomas Edison — this blanket has sleeves!
4.
Idiots who answer the phone, "Yello?"
3.
You're not Mrs. Paul and that's no fish stick.
2.
Is there anything in the healthcare plan to help Sammy Sosa's face?
1.
So desperate to get out of town you'll fly Northwest.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Rerun

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Huge week for the President. Obama leaves tomorrow for a 10-day trip to Singapore, China, South Korea, and Japan. Meanwhile today, Joe Biden ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner at a Panda Express.

President Obama said that he would be happy to travel to Copenhagen in December for the Global Climate Conference, if his presence would make a difference. And then the Olympic Committee was like, “Yeah, makes a huge difference."

Listen to this. A United Airlines pilot was arrested in London for trying to fly 124 passengers while drunk. People became suspicious when he said, “If you look out your left window, you’ll see . . . Oh my god, do you guys wanna get pizza? Of course the passengers should have known something was up when he said, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Morgan speaking."

Finally, former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer — who was forced to resign because he used prostitutes — will deliver a lecture tomorrow at Harvard’s Center for Ethics. Yeah, if you want to check out the speech, it costs 500 bucks for a half hour, 900 if you want to stay for the whole hour.

 
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