Monday Jun 21 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Father’s Day just keeps getting bigger every year, thanks to DNA testing.

President Obama is losing support from his own party over his handling of the Gulf oil spill. Jimmy Carter even compared him to Jimmy Carter.

There’s a new trend for cat owners called “catios.” It’s a fence around the patio for a cat. Now your cat can ignore you outdoors as much as indoors.

Sarah Palin has revealed that she tried marijuana, but didn’t like it. You know, 200 million Americans have tried marijuana and the only people that don’t like it are elected officials.

Late Show with David Letterman

I hope everyone had a nice Father’s Day. Nothing says thanks Dad like a turbo nose-hair trimmer.

People are upset with BP CEO Tony Hayward. Over the weekend, he was out on his yacht. When President Obama heard that he was relaxing, he missed a putt.

Tony Hayward, on Twitter, said that the oil spill is still his priority. You know a guy cares when he tweets from his yacht.

Faisal Shahzad, the Times Square Bomber, is now facing charges of attempted terrorism and conspiracy to double-park.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Ways Tony Hayward Can Improve His Image

Catch Osama
Contaminate waters around a country like North Korea
Reveal secret behind his soft and lustrous curly hair
Apologize on The Golf Channel
Shoot new BP commercial where he is viciously pecked by angry pelicans
Join Team Coco
Get a job at Poland Spring; accidentally dump a billion gallons of water into the gulf
Improve his image, are you kidding? He's doing great!
Hang out at BP station, let customers inflate his butt with air hose
Dial it back from "arrogant bastard" to "smug pr**k"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

The state legislature in Calif. is considering a bill that would allow electronic advertisements on license plates. I don’t need anything else to distract me while I’m texting.

It’s the longest day of the year, and also the shortest night of the year. Coincidence?

Some people think that Stonehenge was built to attract aliens, which may be the reason we’ve never seen aliens. If you travel across space, you’re not going to be too impressed with Stonehenge.

Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

While this whole oil mess has been going on, President Obama spent the weekend playing golf with Vice President Biden. Biden's handicap is 16 and Obama's handicap is Biden.

It’s rumored that Obama’s Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel will leave the White House at the end of the year. He says the work is important to him, but he wants to spend more time screaming at his family.

A man in Boston was arrested after he tried to rob an ATM, then got stuck inside of it. He’s safe now, but bad news — it wasn’t his bank so he was charged two dollars to take himself out.

A company in California is coming out with a $44,000 mattress. It will be layered with cashmere, mohair, silk, and then on top of that, a moron who paid $44,000 for a mattress.

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