Wednesday Jun 09 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Rod Blagojevich is being prosecuted for trying to sell President Obama’s Senate seat. Or as Sarah Ferguson calls it, “a drunken weekend.”

Huge victory for women in all of this week’s elections. I can remember when only rich, white men could buy elections. Now, women can buy them too.

It looks like this Gore divorce could be costly. Al Gore is now only trying to save half of the planet.

A gladiator graveyard has been discovered in England. Finally, the Spartacus family can have some closure.

Late Show with David Letterman

Helen Thomas had to resign over comments she made about Israel. She will be replaced by Betty White.

They say it’s going to take forever to clean up this oil spill in the Gulf, even longer than it will take to clean up Lindsay Lohan.

BP claims they have a containment system for the leaking oil. Their containment system is called the “Gulf of Mexico.”

Sarah Palin is saying that President Obama should make sure these oil companies are acting ethically and responsibly. This from a woman who shoots wolves from a helicopter.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It’s Donald Duck’s birthday. Today is legally defined, through an act of Congress, as Donald Duck Day.

Donald wears a sailor hat and a sailor shirt and nothing else. When I go out like that, I get arrested.

I always found it hard to understand Donald Duck. He makes Paula Abdul sound good.

Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Vice President Joe Biden and Rahm Emanuel had a water gun fight during a party at Biden’s House. Meanwhile, Sasha and Malia spent the last few days trying to solve the BP oil crisis.

The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they’re catching it with ducks.

BP expects to capture “virtually all” of the leaking oil by early next week. But if not "virtually all" of the oil, then definitely “nearly most” of it. Or at least “almost some," but probably closer to “next to none” of it.

A man was arrested after he stowed away in the wheel well of a flight from Vienna to London. Officials are calling his hiding place "incredibly dangerous," while Southwest Airlines is calling it "business class."

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