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Thursday May 27 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The BP officials say that the “top kill” plan is working. The bad news: the BP officials are a bunch of lying weasels.

Sarah Ferguson told “Inside Edition” she would love to appear on “Dancing With the Stars.” And she said, if the price is right, Prince Andrew can come along.

A new study shows that fathers can suffer a form of postpartum depression after their child is born — especially if they’re John Edwards.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

A major airport in Greece has closed because they have a plague of frogs. Too bad it didn’t happen in France — they could have just eaten them.

“Sex & the City 2” opened at midnight and people were lining up in the movie theater dressed up as their favorite character. And when I say “people,” I mean me.

I’m not in the new “Sex & the City” movie, probably because Liza Minnelli is in it and sometimes people get us confused.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

I’d like to let everyone know that you don’t have to worry. I’ve been pumped with music, plugged with cement, and the leaking has stopped.

The Gulf oil spill is now the worst spill in U.S. history, so . . . Congratulations, I guess.

We have some Norwegian guests in the studio tonight. This is why we need to seal the borders.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

A new poll found that 43 percent of Americans think President Obama is doing a good job at handling the BP oil spill. Of course, the same poll found that 43 percent of Americans hate pelicans.

At a press conference, Obama said that the government does not have better technology than BP. That's a nice thing to announce to the world — that our government has fewer resources than a company that tried to plug a hole with a top hat.

A 60-year-old woman in China just gave birth to twins. She says she's going to use cloth diapers because she finds the disposable ones a little uncomfortable.

A new study found that the average child is more likely to own a cell phone than a book. I guess that would explain why he’s average.

 
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