Thursday Nov 19 2009

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

One week till Thanksgiving. Very excited about that. Back in Washington our congressional leaders are preparing for their Thanksgiving meals. I read today that Nancy Pelosi has already taken her turkey in to have its neck tightened up.

President Obama has left China. He is on his way home. He's probably home by now. Earlier today he was in Seoul, Korea. Hey Kev, you know what President Obama's favorite food is when he's there? Seoul food.

The U.S. Postal Service announced this week that they have lost $3.8 billion this year. Here's the worst part: You know how they lost it? In the mail.

According to a Pew Research study, couples who shared household chores have more sex. Do you know what you call a couple who shared household chores? Gay!


Yesterday, President Obama was interviewed by a reporter from Fox News. You could tell the reporter was from Fox News because the first question was, “How do you think you’re doing as President on a scale from minus one to minus 10?”

President Obama was in South Korea today, discussing what to do about Iran’s nuclear ambitions, and he said he plans to “indicate our seriousness” to Iran. Obama plans to indicate our seriousness by having our next message to Iran read aloud by James Earl Jones.

Earlier this week, Somali pirates attacked the same American ship they attacked this summer — but this time the ship drove the pirates off with a high-decibel noise-making device. The specific noise they used to repel the pirates: the “Free Credit Report dot com” song.

Earlier this week, the country's first marijuana cafe opened up — which not only sells medical marijuana — but also has a restaurant where customers can eat. In a related story, the recession is over.

Late Show with David Letterman


Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson


Jimmy Kimmel Live


Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The Senate unveiled its own version of the healthcare bill yesterday — it will cost $849 billion and cover 31 million Americans. That’s so exciting! That means we’re “this close” to having that bill voted on by the Senate, then combined with the bill in the House, then re-voted on again by both houses, and then signed into law . . . which will take effect in three years. Exciting, right?

Kelloggs announced there will be a severe shortage of Eggo Frozen Waffles until next summer because of a flood at one of their factories. They were like, “Sorry, for the time being, you’re just gonna have to Leggo.”

I don’t know if you guys know this but tomorrow is Joe Biden’s 67th birthday. Whenever Biden gets a birthday cake, he doesn't blow out the candles. He just talks 'til the candles decide to put themselves out.

President Obama said he “probably won't" read Sarah Palin's new book, because she'll sell enough copies without him. Meanwhile, President Bush said he "probably won't" read Sarah Palin's book because . . . it's a book.

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