Wednesday Apr 21 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

For those of you visiting from Iceland, happy Ash Wednesday.

The British government sent a warship to France to bring home stranded Britons. There was an embarrassing moment — when the ship pulled up to the port, the French immediately surrendered.

The volcano was spewing out so much ash that now, the Catholic Church is saying it couldn’t even see what it was doing wrong.

The black cloud is still pretty big, but not as big as the black cloud over Ben Roethlisberger.

Late Show with David Letterman

The bad news today: regular airline service is resuming.

Is anyone here stranded because of the volcano? Well, that’s what you get for traveling during volcano season.

Because of the volcano, the airlines lost $2 billion. Usually, all they lose is my luggage.

7-Eleven is now selling its own beer. It’s already the favorite beer of guys that hold up 7-Elevens.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Excuses Of The Guy Who Lost The iPhone Prototype

"Couldn't call Apple for help because I lost my iPhone"
"I'm more of a Kindle guy?”
"You mean besides being drunk out of my mind?"
"Distraught Kate Gosselin kicked off 'Dancing with the Stars'"
"Thought there was an app that would whisk it back to my house"
"It must have fallen out of my iPants"
"Volcanic Ash! Run!"
"Let's just blame Goldman Sachs"
"At least I didn't lose my finger like that iPad guy"
"It didn't work anyway — it uses AT&T"
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It’s the Queen of England’s birthday today. So happy birthday, Simon Cowell.

It’s a sad day if you’re a fan of Star Trek films, because Leonard Nimoy, who played Spock, is retiring. The bad news is, William Shatner is not retiring.

Today the U.S. Treasury released its new $100 bill. It’s the most high-tech piece of currency the world has ever seen — until Apple comes out with the “$100 bill Nano.”

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The Fox network had their annual telethon “Idol Gives Back.” I was hoping they would give back the hundreds of hours I’ve wasted watching “American Idol.”

The new $100 bill was unveiled today. So if you have any old $100 bills, you can throw them away now.

The Supreme Court is hearing a case about “sexting.” Apparently the justices of the Supreme Court are not up to date on technology. Chief Justice Roberts asked what is the difference between an e-mail and a pager.

Justice Roberts is only 55 years old. He’s young enough to be Larry King’s next wife.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon


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