Tuesday Apr 20 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The giant cloud of ash over Amsterdam is so bad that you can’t even see the giant cloud of hashish.

According to a top Iranian cleric, earthquakes and volcanoes are caused by women wearing immodest clothing. Or as most guys would call it: a fair trade-off.

President Obama and some prominent Democrats proposed a solution to the erupting volcano — they want to pour money into it.

Toyota is recalling 600,000 minivans because the spare tire holder can break and the spare tire can go flying down the highway. It’s bad enough Toyota cars can run you off the road — now the parts are chasing you down the street.

Late Show with David Letterman

Because of the volcano in Iceland, thousands of travelers are stranded with no place to sleep, eat, or shower. This is the kind of thing that can really take the fun out of air travel.

The name of the volcano is Eyjafjallajökull. It’s the scariest thing out of Iceland since Björk in that swan outfit.

The volcano cloud is gritty ash and it’s making its way toward Russia. In fact, Sarah Palin can see it from her house.

Well, 7-Eleven is releasing its own brand of beer. And just in time for Mother’s Day.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Goldman Sachs Excuses

You're saying "fraud" like it's a bad thing
Planned on using money to buy everyone in America delicious KFC Double Down sandwich
Distraught over George Lopez's move to midnight
We were framed by evil menswear company Goldman Slacks
Since when are financial institutions not allowed to screw their customers?
Hey sport, how much to make these questions go away?
America needed a villain both Republicans and Democrats can hate
Everyone we ripped off got an "I Got Cheated By Goldman Sachs" tote bag
Uhh, it's Obama's fault?
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It’s a bad day for travelers. A second giant smoke cloud is shooting into the sky right now. Air traffic controllers are saying it’s not safe to fly anywhere near Woody Harrelson’s house.

It’s 4/20, a big holiday for the people that smoke marijuana. Because the rest of the time, they work very hard.

Here in L.A., there was a huge stoner parade. Thousands of marijuana enthusiasts marched down Sunset Blvd., took a left at Ben & Jerry’s, and never came out.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Today is April 20, which is like Christmas for pot-smokers. It all started in the 1700s when St. Patrick drove the stoners out of Ireland with a pack of Twinkies.

In celebration of 4/20, the volcano in Iceland is still smoking. And it just asked for Hot Pockets.

Travelers have been stranded in dozens of countries, but they’re finally allowing flights to take off to countries that no one likes.

Kate Gosselin was very upset when she was voted off of “Dancing With the Stars.” Some mothers only have two kids and they cry when they have to go home.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon


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