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Wednesday Apr 14 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The Obama administration’s top science and technology official has warned that the United States cannot expect to be No. 1 in science and technology forever. Did anyone know we were No. 1 now?

The Pentagon says that al-Qaida is now in financial ruin. Goldman Sachs really screwed everyone over.

Al-Qaida should have seen it coming. Do you know who’s in charge of their finances — Osama bin Bernanke.

Mexico’s tourist industry is concerned that drugs and violence are scaring away tourists. The only thing you used to have to worry about in Mexico was Montezuma’s revenge.

Late Show with David Letterman

Rerun

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It’s fitting that April 14 is National Pecan Day because today, we recognize nuts. And tomorrow, on April 15, we pay our taxes to support them.

A pecan tree can live for 300 years and when they’re old and gnarled, they can still bear fruit. They’re like the tree world’s Larry King.

Scientists are saying that eating pecans every day may decrease your cholesterol. So in case they’re right, I wrap all of my pecans in bacon.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Tomorrow is the day to mail in your tax returns, which means tonight is the night to start making fake receipts.

Two “American Idol” contestants were sent home tonight. To which I say, why not send them all home?

According to a new study, children who are spanked are twice as likely as those that aren’t spanked to get into fights and destroy things — which is probably why they get spanked in the first place.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

This Friday is the deadline for mailing in your Census form. People all around the country put down how many people live in their houses — while Tiger Woods and Jesse James put "kind of a tricky situation right now."

President Obama is launching a new $6 billion space policy that will ultimately take astronauts to Mars. Of course, it’s $6 billion and $45 if the astronauts have a carry-on.

Obama says the new $6 billion program will let us engage in deeper space exploration, while Biden says this will let us engage in open dialogue with Alf.

Yahoo is producing a daily video series based on its most popular news stories, in partnership with Toyota. Of course, they’re having a tough time getting the site up because it always ends up crashing.

 
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