President Obama issued a proclamation declaring Cesar Chavez Day. So this week has both Passover and Cesar Chavez Day. One holiday celebrates the flight of the Jewish people from Egypt to Israel, and the other celebrates the flight of the Mexican people from Tijuana to Los Angeles.
You know what I’m doing for Easter? I’m gonna be hanging with my Peeps.
Because it’s Easter, Catholic priests have been hearing confession all week — mostly from other Catholic priests,
Today is April 1, April Fools’ Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don’t confuse that with April 15, when people try to fool the IRS.
Guess who’s coming to New York City — King Tut. He’ll be here with his wife, Catherine Zeta Tut.
King Tut is so old and so fabulously rich that he’s thinking about running for mayor.
Tut hasn’t been here since 1977. He’s been in prison, since they arrested him on a pyramid scheme.
The new 3-D television is amazing. It was unbelievable, and so vivid. Honestly, I thought Ricky Martin was coming out of my closet.
Top Ten Things To Ask Yourself Before Waiting In Line For The iPad
"What the hell is it?"
"Will this make Steve Jobs notice me?"
"Really, what the hell is it?"
"Is it kosher for Passover?"
"Should I wear my Spock ears?"
"Wasn't I saving this money for a hot tub time machine?"
"What? Ricky Martin's gay?"
"Is it a bad sign that no one can explain what the hell it is?"
"Will there be hot, tattooed women in the line?" (Jesse James only)
"Can't Apple invent something that will wait in line for me?"
Some people aren’t turning in their census forms because they’re angry at the government. But that’s silly because the census is how they figure out who gets represented. If you don’t send in your forms, your state will get less congressman — which might be perfect.
When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as psychopaths, and then the rest of us.
Sunday is Easter. They were going to move it to Tuesday, but there was a conflict with “American Idol.”
It's been such a busy week. So many things coming out — the iPad, “Clash of the Titans,” Ricky Martin.
Today is April Fools’ Day, that day of the year when you can’t get anyone to believe anything you say — or as Gov. Paterson calls it, “Any day.”
As part of an April Fools’ Day prank, Google renamed itself “Topeka.” As part of a really desperate prank, Yahoo renamed itself “Google.”
During a speech at the White House, President Obama said that “teleworking” from home can boost efficiency. Kind of interesting advice from a guy who just flew 13 hours to Afghanistan to say “what’s up.”