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Friday Mar 19 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

The healthcare debate is getting ugly. Today, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and House Minority Leader John Boehner got into such a heated argument that Boehner missed his appointment at the tanning salon and Pelosi was late for Botox injections.

The mother of domestic terrorist Jihad Jane says that her daughter only joined a terrorist group because she was lonely. She wanted to meet al-Qaida guys so badly that online, she lied and said she was a goat.

Now it’s being reported that Toyota Corollas may stall without warning. The biggest danger is that the Corolla might stall, while in front of a runaway Prius.

Bernard Madoff was assaulted back in November in a prison dispute over money. The authorities are investigating the attack and have narrowed the suspects down to “everybody.”

Late Show with David Letterman

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The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

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Jimmy Kimmel Live

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Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

I’m so pumped for this weekend. My friends are coming over. We’re gonna pound some beers, paint our faces, and watch the healthcare vote go down on C-SPAN.

The Democrats are working overtime to get 216 votes to pass healthcare on Sunday. Which means Rahm Emanuel is prowling the showers like the head of a prison gang.

“Repo Men” came out today, starring Jude Law as a guy who rips out your internal organs if you can’t pay for them. Or as we call that in the U.S. — your insurance company.

There’s a new technique that lets doctors perform kidney transplants in 45 minutes. Because when you're getting a kidney transplant, your main concern is always "How long is this gonna take? Can you do it in less than an hour?”

 
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