The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show at Madison Square Garden is tonight. One of the big events is the “Going Nuts When the Doorbell Rings” competition. Tomorrow night is “Barking at a Dog on TV.”
Happy Chinese New Year. It’s the Year of the Tiger. I’m so stupid, I’m still writing “Year of the Ox” on my checks.
Today is the birthday of North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. If you don’t know what to get him, another pair of ladie’s sunglasses is always nice.
Film director Kevin Smith tried to fly on an airplane and was taken off for being too heavy. They patched it up and invited him to join the “Mile-Wide Club.”
There’s a 73-year-old man in Florida who has been charged with robbing the same bank three times. In his defense, he actually only robbed the bank once, he just went back twice to use the bathroom.
The French have given us many things: Mardi Gras, the Statue of Liberty, French horns, sarcasm . . .
Director Kevin Smith was thrown off a plane for being too big. Let’s just say Fat Tuesday for Kevin Smith is just “Tuesday.”
I understand it’s frustrating if you’re sitting next to a big person on a plane and you’re crammed, but if you’re more than four feet tall on a plane, you’re going to be crammed either way.
The Winter Olympics are under way in Canada. Skiing, snowboarding, ice-skating, these are not sports. They’re vacation activities. I feel like I’m watching someone’s home movies.
They showed the biathlon today, a combination of cross-country skiing and shooting rifles, which is known to Sarah Palin as “commuting.”
NBC has exclusive rights to the games, so we can’t show any footage from the Olympics. In fact, I’m not even supposed to say the word, “Olympics.” That may have cost us $800,000 right there.