In London, a $500,000,000 British-American backed fund was proposed to pay the Taliban to stop fighting. The good news is, America is creating jobs. Sure, they’re all for terrorists, but we’re making jobs.
Osama bin Laden has released another tape today blaming the United States for global warming. You can tell he’s running out of ideas if that’s the best he’s got. Even the United States blames the Unites States for global warming. Sounds like he wants to quit al-Qaida and join Al Gore.
Scientist at UCLA have announced that they’ve found the lowest form of life: John Edwards.
Elizabeth Edwards announced that she and John have separated. So it looks like it’s not just Nancy Pelosi that’s going to lose the house this year.
A new poll says that Oprah Winfrey is today’s No. 1 TV personality, followed by Glenn Beck. Further down the list is me, between David Hasselhoff and the ShamWow.
I don’t mean the guy from the ShamWow commercial, I mean the ShamWow itself beat me. I wasn’t quite as absorbent.
Scientists say that we’re running out of places to go where its quiet. They say that soon there will be no place left where people can find complete silence. I think they’re wrong. They should come here most nights during the monologue.
I want to wish a very happy Oprah’s birthday to you and your families.
Tonight is the brightest full moon of the year. Strange things happen on the full moon. Humans transform into werewolves, iPhones transform into iPads.
L.A. has got so many cupcake stores these days. When did we start eating so many cupcakes? Also, there are about 10,000 medical marijuana dispensaries in L.A., so maybe that’s got something to do with it.