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Monday Jan 11 2010

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

NBC has some pilots to fill the 10 p.m. time slot. They are talking about bringing back “All in the Family,” with Harry Reid as Archie Bunker.

NBC said the show performed exactly as they expected it would, and then they canceled us. Don’t confuse this with when we were on at late night, performed better than expected, and then they canceled us, that was totally different.

Sarah Palin has just signed with Fox News. So now they’re fair and unbalanced.

The White House said they are working even harder now to try to find Osama bin Laden. In fact, they’ve put his picture on the side of cartons of goat’s milk.

Conan

This weekend no one was seriously hurt, but a 6.5 earthquake hit California. The earthquake was so powerful that it knocked Jay Leno’s show from 10 p.m. to 11:35.

Everybody now wants to know what my plans are. All I can say is that I plan to continue putting on a great show night after night — while stealing as many office supplies as humanly possible.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is under fire for discussing whether or not President Obama has a “negro dialect.” Reid is also in trouble for saying Joe Lieberman “talks all Moses-y.”

Late Show with David Letterman

It was so cold in Washington D.C. today that Sen. Harry Reid actually enjoyed being in hot water.

Sarah Palin is going to be part of the Fox News team. Finally her years of reading all those newspapers and magazines has paid off.

There was a naked jogger near the White House. When the Secret Service caught him, they brought him inside and sat him down next to the president at the state dinner.

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten

Top Ten Signs There's Trouble at NBC

10
Lineup has more holes than the Green Bay Packers defense
9
Winner on "Deal or No Deal" gets to run the network for a week
8
NBC peacock crashed his car and beaten with a golf club
7
NBC Christmas party is a week from Thursday
6
Tina Fey is having a hard time making fictional network executives dumber than the real ones
5
Replacing "Biggest Loser" with a show about people whose weight fluctuates but is still within an acceptable range
4
NBC president seen wandering halls shouting, "Is 'Night Court' still on?"
3
Promise they'll have this figured out by the 2014 Olympics
2
Just gave 10 p.m. show to Snooki (from Jersey Shore)
1
It's so bad, they've even considered me
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Rerun

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

In his weekly radio and Internet address, President Obama said, “We are on the verge of guaranteeing Americans health insurance whether they lose their job, change jobs, move, or get sick." Which means Jay, Conan and I are gonna be just fine.

Four TSA workers at Los Angeles International Airport were videotaped snorting drugs. It was the first time people had ever seen lines go that fast at the airport.

Sarah Palin just signed on to be a contributor to Fox News. She chose the job after carefully weighing her other option, “just going away.”

 
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