Friday Jun 04 2004

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner


On Tuesday, NBC’s news special “Inside the Obama White House” was watched by 9 million people. Historians say it was the most revealing look behind the scenes at the White House since Bill Clinton set up a secret Web cam.

Yesterday President Barack Obama met the King of Saudi Arabia, who kissed Obama twice. Obama says he hasn’t got this kind of treatment since he met Keith Olbermann.

It’s being reported that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il is in the process of deciding who’s going to be his successor, and the most likely person is his youngest son Kim Jong Un. Kim Jong Un says he’s excited, but he realizes he’s got some awfully big women’s sunglasses to fill.

Today is the 20-year anniversary of the Tiananmen Square protests. Or as the Chinese government refers to it, the "nothing happened day."

Late Show with David Letterman

I really need caller ID. Last night my mother called . . . she said, "Daaaavid. I was going through the channels looking for Jay Leno and I stumbled across you."

In New York, you can now share a cab with strangers. I saw two strangers sharing a cab just today. One was taking the tires; the other was taking the radio.

Sharing a ride with strangers? Don't we already have this? It's called carjacking.

How about Eliot Spitzer. Do you remember him? He was the governor of New York for a while, then it turned out he enjoyed whores. But it turns out he was doing this all over the country. When I heard this, I was outraged. I mean, what, New York hookers aren't good enough for you?

Late Show with David Letterman- Late Show Top Ten


The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

President Obama is in Egypt. He took a tour of the pyramids, those massive structures that longer serve any function, and he offered them a bailout.

Scientists have discovered they can track migrating penguins from space. They follow their poop trails using satellites. It's the same way the Secret Service tracks Joe Biden.

Today is Hug Your Cat Day. I'm on to you, cats. When your owners die, you're going to eat them.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

It's NBA Finals night. The Lakers and Magic do battle tonight. President Obama is said to be monitoring the situation . . .

He said he hopes both sides will act with restraint and, of course, work towards peace.

He was in Egypt today, addressing the Muslim world at Cairo University. Reactions to his speech were mixed: Some said, "Death to America!" others said, "Die, American dogs!"

Iranians dismissed his speech as "all talk." Well . . . it was a speech . . .

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia met with President Obama and gave him a large shiny medallion on a thick gold chain. Obama said, “Thank you, but I think you have me confused with Flava Flav.”

In Egypt President Obama gave a historic speech at Cairo University. The speech was translated into 13 languages and posted on Twitter, MySpace, and Facebook . . . and it was misspelled on all of them.

The U.S. government accidentally released a confidential list of the exact location of nuclear sites around the country. Authorities have no idea who was responsible . . . Really!? it was Joe Biden, OK? It was Biden.

The IRS says that John Kerry’s 2004 presidential campaign owes over $800,000 in back taxes. I guess that explains the long face.

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