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Monday Jun 08 2009

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Conan

This morning, Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor fell and broke her ankle at La Guardia Airport. If she’s confirmed, the first case she’ll hear is “Sotomayor versus La Guardia Airport.”

Yesterday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton sent a stern warning to North Korea to stop their belligerent actions. Her exact quote was, “Don’t make me get all Hillary on your ass.”

A new study says that this year airlines could lose up to $9 billion dollars. Apparently the airlines are going to lose the $9 billion dollars by putting it in a suitcase and checking it.

The family of a Michigan woman brought her to a McDonald’s to celebrate her 100th birthday. It was basically the family’s way of saying, “Grandma, you’ve lived long enough.”

Paris Hilton’s in the news. Paris Hilton is denying rumors that she stripped naked at a Las Vegas party and then danced for a group of wealthy businessmen. Paris said, “They weren’t businessmen, they were plumbers.”

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For the first time in 30 years, Saudis are allowed to go to the movies this weekend. There’s a few movies to choose from: Turban Cowboy, The Taking of Hostages 1, 2, and 3, He's Just Not That Into You Driving, or Tyler Perry’s: Madea Goes to Jail for Showing Her Ankles.

Two doctors in Tennessee have invented a device that improves your posture by giving you a small electric zap every time you slouch. The device is called “Your Mother-with-a-Taser”

Figure skater Michelle Kwan graduated from the University of Denver on Saturday with a degree in international studies. She finished with a GPA of 4.0, 4.0, 3.9, 4.0, and from the Russian judge… 2.6.

Happy Birthday to Joan Rivers, she turned 76 today. And Happy 10th Birthday to Joan's eyelids.

 
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