Yesterday everybody reported on the fake sign language interpreter at the Nelson Mandela memorial. Turns out that he was not a fake but a violent schizophrenic who was hallucinating that angels were flying into the stadium. So at least there's a simple explanation for what went wrong. For a minute I thought there might have been some kind of security problem.
So let me get this straight. The NSA is listening to our phone calls, but no one is checking up on the violent schizophrenic who is 18 inches from the president of the United States.
According to CNN, 200,000 Americans are signed up for a one-way trip to Mars to colonize Mars. Unfortunately, none of them are Kardashians.
In defending the budget deal, Congressman Paul Ryan quoted the Rolling Stones and said, "You can't always get what you want." When it comes to Congress, here’s a better Stones quote: "Can't get no satisfaction.” How about that?
Yesterday Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly told viewers that Santa Claus is white. Then she said Santa's elves are Mexican and they are stealing jobs from American elves.
In a speech, Russian president Vladimir Putin slammed the U.S. for being "genderless and infertile." My question is: How did Vladimir Putin get his hands on my Match.com profile?
The government of Ireland is asking unemployed people to leave the country. But before they go, they should settle up with the bartender.
In an interview Oprah Winfrey said she has no regrets about not having children. Oprah said, "I feel bad enough about bringing Dr. Phil into the world."
You know that fake sign language guy? It was so cold today he was signing with mittens.
How many of you watched "The Sound of Music" show on NBC? Well, they're going to repeat it on Saturday. That will give me an opportunity to not watch it for the second time.
Pope Francis has been named Time magazine's Person of the Year. Also congratulations to "Big Bang Theory's" Jim Parsons. He was named Parsons of the Year. Also congratulations to Iranian President Hasan Rouhani. He was named Persian of the Year. And for the third year in a row, congratulations to cyanide, named Poison of the Year.
It's a great day if you like meaningless awards. The Golden Globe nominations were announced this morning. Corrupt foreign journalists who write for papers like the Amsterdam Pennysaver aren't the best judges of excellence in TV and film.
HBO's Liberace movie "Behind the Candelabra" got the most nominations of any TV show. I hope whoever did the costume design gets an award. I don't know how they pulled it off, but they made Liberace seem, well, kind of effeminate.
One difference between the Golden Globes and the Oscars is they serve dinner at the Golden Globes, which creates problems because a lot of actresses haven't seen food in a long time.
There's also an open bar at the Golden Globes — and Mel Gibson. What's the thinking behind that?
There is an essay on Slate.com that argues that because America is a melting pot Santa shouldn't be a white man anymore. The writer suggested that from now on, Santa should be a penguin. I don't know how the writer would expect a penguin to carry toys.
Nominations for the Golden Globe Awards were announced this morning. the Golden Globes aren't quite as prestigious as the Oscars. It is an opportunity for celebrities to hand each other shiny things so we just go with it.
Matt Damon was nominated for a Golden Globe for playing himself in that Liberace movie.
In an annual list that ranks states based on how healthy they are, the healthiest U.S. state is Hawaii. Mississippi finished 50th out of the 50 states, which isn't surprising. Healthy eating is not big in Mississippi. Their state bird is the fried chicken.
Obamacare is still struggling to catch on with most people. And so now the White House has started asking celebrities to endorse Obamacare. Because if anyone knows how to put a new face on something, it’s Hollywood.
This morning at the Golden Globe nominations “The Butler” did not get nominated for best dramatic film. Which is too bad, because it’s the one character who's already dressed for an awards show.
Alabama kicker Cade Foster had a tough time in the Iron Bowl, missing three field goals against Auburn. A lot of people blamed him for losing the game. Former President George W. Bush actually sent him a note to offer his support. The guy had such bad aim, you’d think he get a note from Dick Cheney.