It's finish Independence Day, everybody. Every year I celebrate by doing Finnish things, like staring out of the window and contemplating my alcoholism.
There were huge celebrations all across Finland. By that I mean some people almost cracked a smile.
The Finns are reserved, quiet, and really polite. That's why they're known as the Canadians of Europe, except the mayor of Helsinki doesn't smoke crack — allegedly.
Newsweek magazine recently named Finland the "overall best country in the world." I'm like, well, based on what? I actually don't know. But you can trust "Newsweek" because they're part of a desperate, dying industry.
Every year the Finns spend almost a billion dollars at Starbucks. A billion dollars works out to about six frappuccinos.