Did you all have a fun Halloween? One little kid came to my door dressed as Justin Bieber. Then I realized that it WAS Justin Bieber.
Six kids showed up for Halloween with no costumes at all, just dressed like ordinary people. They said, "We're the six people who signed up for Obamacare on the first day."
According to CBS News, only six people enrolled in Obamacare on the first day of the rollout. Six! That means more people have walked on the moon than have signed up for Obamacare.
This is my favorite part. Hand to God, this is the absolute truth. The White House said that the number six is not official. Really, aren't they better off saying nothing? Not official? What, if we wait it could go as high as seven?
Did everybody have a good Halloween? I'm just not into the Halloween spirit. What I did was I went to bed early after I turned on the electric fence.
Last year for Halloween I passed out Lipitor. Is that all right?
You have to turn your clocks back this weekend. You might think you're gaining an hour, but trying to get the clock back on that nail actually makes you lose an hour.
Sunday in New York is the marathon. Today Donald Trump accused the runner from Kenya of actually being born in the United States.
Today is World Vegan Day. It’s the day we're all supposed to think about a vegan diet . . . There, I thought about it. It's not for me.
Vegans can't eat eggs. They can't eat dairy. From what I've seen, they can't even shave their legs.
Ozzy Osbourne recently started a vegan diet. Right now up in animal heaven, there's a bat without a head saying, "Oh, so now he's vegan."
Mike Tyson is a vegan. Apparently, vegans can't eat meat or dairy, but it's OK to occasionally nibble on Evander Holyfield's ear.
This weekend is the end of daylight saving time. Or, put another way, your microwave is about to have the right time on it again.
Last night the Obamas gave out dried fruit to more than 5,000 trick-or-treaters. In a related story, today workers outside the White House had to sweep up a bunch of dried fruit.
That same study also found that fruit has become the second most popular food in the U.S. The first most popular food in the U.S.? NOT fruit.
There are reports that a spin-off of “How I Met Your Mother” is in the works called "How I Met Your Father." I think I’ve seen that show already. It’s called “Maury.”