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Wednesday Oct 30 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It's really trick-or-treat time at the White House. President Obama tricked us into thinking we'd be able to afford treatment.

Con artists are using Obamacare confusion to sign people up for fake health insurance. The scammers lure victims with false promises like, "If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep your healthcare plan." The scammers will tell you that, so you have to be careful.

A lot of people are accusing the president of being less than truthful. In fact, a couple of weeks ago President Obama called me and told me personally that if I like my current job, I can keep my current job. And I believed him!

The president said he didn't know that we were spying on our allies. He didn't know about the problems with the healthcare website. Have you heard the latest? Now the president claims he doesn’t know how "Breaking Bad" ended.

Late Show with David Letterman

Scientists from New Zealand have discovered a new species of dolphin. They say it's delicious.

They say this New Zealand dolphin is very smart. The dolphin actually predicted that the Jonas Brothers would split up.

Anybody try to sign up for the Obamacare? It's impossible, and everybody's furious. The Republicans are upset about Obamacare because something they tried to stop now won't get started.

At the Domino's website you can track the progress of your pizza. That's fine. That's running perfectly. No problems there. But you can't get healthcare.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need — another excuse to be jerks.

Some grocery stores refuse to sell eggs to teenagers on mischief night. Isn't that terrible? It makes me feel bad for well-behaved kids just looking to make an omelet.

One of the big mischief things is writing on people's cars with soap. I always think that's hilarious. So let me give you the address of Jay Leno.

You know who's known for playing pranks? George Clooney. He pulls pranks on movie sets. He played one on me once. It's a true story. Back in 2007, I actually paid 10 bucks to see "Oceans 13." You got me, George!

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Tickets for tonight's World Series game cost more than any baseball tickets in history. The average price was $2,000. So you could sell your car to buy a couple or grow a disgusting beard and pretend you are on the Red Sox and sneak in.

The Cardinals were very late getting into Boston last night. A mechanical problem delayed their flight for six hours and they didn't get in until 11 p.m. Ironically, the team named after a bird had trouble flying.

If the Cardinals win tonight, Game 7 will be on Halloween. How great would it be if the players dressed up for Halloween? Imagine seeing Batman hit a home run off Frankenstein.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Halloween is tomorrow night, and a woman from North Dakota says she's planning on giving overweight trick-or-treaters a letter explaining that sugar is bad for them — instead of giving them candy. Then those kids will hand HER a letter saying, "Toilet paper or eggs?"

Wal-Mart just announced that it is giving 25,000 employees a promotion. Wal-Mart employees said, "You mean we get to go work at Target?"

Wal-Mart will promote 25,000 of its employees, which means they're getting more responsibilities. In fact, greeters will also get to say “goodbye.”

A new study found that 30 percent of Americans admit to getting most of their news on Facebook. You can tell news anchors are trying to compete with Facebook because tonight Brian Williams' top story was just a picture of his cat.

 
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