Monday Oct 28 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

According to a new report, more than 700 fake Obamacare websites have been created. Security experts say it's simple to identify the phony sites because they are easy to log on to.

The White House said today that one of the reasons the Obamacare website has had so many problems is because it's so popular that it was overwhelmed. Really? How come Psy's "Gangnam Style" video never had any problems? He got 2.5 billion hits!

Have you tried to log on to the Obamacare website? It’s slow. It is slower than my watch during an interview with Paris Hilton.

The Obamacare website is not the only one crashing. The NSA website went offline Friday after suspected hackers broke into it. Hey, NSA: It’s not so much fun when people are sneaking into YOUR computer, is it?

Late Show with David Letterman

Halloween is Thursday. I love Halloween. You open the door, and there are strangers in masks. Good idea.

Kanye West went to a baseball stadium in San Francisco with Kim Kardashian, and he popped the question right there. He said to her, "Why are you famous?"

Obama said they've had some glitches with the Affordable Care website. I'll tell you something. If you order a pair of pants online and they send you the wrong color, that's a glitch. This is like a Carnival cruise, for God's sake!

Today Obama was in so much trouble he called Hillary Clinton and he said, "Could you start early?"

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

It's great to be back. We had reruns last week. No, what are they called? Encore presentations.

Last week I was in Canada. I was doing stand-up and solving crimes. Actually, there's no crime in Canada.

Two American icons celebrate birthdays today. The Statue of Liberty turns 127 years old. And Bruce Jenner, who of course is also 127 years old.

The Statue of Liberty and Bruce Jenner are very different, of course. One is made of copper and steel and needs constant work done to prevent it from crumbling and cracking — and the other one's the Statue of Liberty.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

There are new reports that the NSA has been monitoring communications of 35 leaders. Germany's Angela Merkel is one of our closest allies and she is not happy about this. She called President Obama to give him an earful — and it takes a lot to get those ears full.

If the NSA agents are like most men they were probably only pretending to listen to what she was saying anyway.

They ought to take all of the guys who are so good at hacking into phone calls and put them to work fixing We need to reallocate our nerds.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Over the weekend it came out that the U.S. has been listening in on German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cellphone since 2002. At this point, I feel like the only world leader our government DOESN'T listen to is President Obama.

The U.S. has been spying on German Chancellor Angela Merkel for more than 10 years. Merkel actually called Obama to say that eavesdropping on allies “is not acceptable.” Then Obama said, "Yeah, well that's not what you said to England."

Halloween is just a couple of days away. A new survey found that 10 percent of Americans actually plan on wearing a costume to work for Halloween. Because if there's anything better than getting fired on Halloween, it's getting fired by a clown.

One poll says 74 percent of Americans will hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. While the other 26 percent plan to spend three hours hiding in the living room with the lights out.

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