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Thursday Sep 19 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

It looks like the federal government could be shutting down. The legal definition of a government shutdown is when Congress continues not to work, but they do it from home.

Pundits say President Obama is starting to lose support from his own party. To give you an idea how bad it’s gotten, today Jimmy Carter compared him to Jimmy Carter.

Syrian President Assad told Fox News that if he were ever to talk to President Obama he would tell Obama to “listen to your people." Is he the one to give advice about listening to his people? His people are shooting at him!

A Costco in Arizona is now selling a 60-year-old bottle of scotch for $17,000. You know what you can buy for $17,000 at Costco? Everything else at Costco.

Conan

Russian President Vladimir Putin said he may seek a fourth term but that's up to the people to decide. Then he laughed for 10 minutes . . . shirtless.

Chicago has now surpassed New York City as the murder capital of the United States. That's really surprising since New York has twice as many NFL teams.

Kevin Trudeau, the king of infomercials, has been sent to jail for fraud. The judge sentenced him to 10 years. But then he said, "Wait, there's more," and added another five years.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

This week the Kardashians are filming their Christmas episode. It’s a reality show, so they want to keep it real.

I know Christmas in September seems a little weird, but by the time December rolls around, Khloe is in hibernation.

A plane had to make an emergency landing in France because a dozen Scottish passengers wouldn't stop dancing. The police have released a statement saying that alcohol may have been a factor. Now, I am Scottish. I KNOW alcohol was a factor. There is no "may" about this.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

The Kardashians insist their show is real and not scripted. It's a real look at their lives. Well, Kim, Khloe, and Kris posted pictures on Instagram shooting the Kardashian Christmas episode — in September.

That's why it is so hard to keep up with the Kardashians. They're three months ahead of us.

As soon as the new iPhone was announced, a weird thing happened. My old iPhone started begging for its life.

A high-ranking health official in Amsterdam is taking a strong stance against sugar. He says sugar is an addictive, dangerous drug that should be regulated by the government. He wants to put warning labels on sugar. This is coming from a place where you can get pot in your Happy Meal.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

The Powerball lottery was last night and somebody got a lot richer. A single winning ticket was sold in South Carolina for the $400 million grand prize. Lottery officials are urging that winner to sign the back of his ticket and then put it in a safe place. As opposed to what? Dipping it in hot sauce and eating it?

The creator of Beanie Babies has been fined $53 million for tax evasion. But, on the plus side, if he sells all of his Beanie Babies, he'll owe . . . probably about $53 million.

Two guys in New Hampshire were arrested after they tried to rob a group of people playing Bingo. Cops became suspicious when they saw a car driving away from the Bingo hall going more than 10 miles an hour.

 
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