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Tuesday Sep 17 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Miley Cyrus and her fiance have split up. I guess it just didn’t twerk out.

This week marks the fifth anniversary of the collapse of Lehman Brothers, which sparked the recession. Think about how bad things were back then. We had unemployment over 7 percent. The debt was out of control. There were wars breaking out all over the globe. Thank God that's all behind us now, huh?

USA Today had a front-page feature on the new healthcare law. It said that the opposition to Obamacare at an all-time high. It has gotten so bad that the president is now calling it "Bidencare."

According to a new report, over the last three years Social Security overpaid by $1.29 billion — thus establishing itself as the federal government's most efficient program.

Conan

Miley Cyrus and her fiance have officially called off their engagement. So we are about to see how Miley Cyrus acts when she's single. We've been getting the restrained Miley.

They've already announced the most popular Halloween costume. The top one will be the Miley Cyrus costume. Just a warning: I'm not giving any candy to a kid who says "trick or twerk."

Joe Biden's niece was arrested. The hardest part about arresting a Biden is convincing them they have the right to remain silent.

There is a library that is stocked with thousands of e-books in San Antonio. But that's not really a library. It's called a Kindle.

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson

In a town in Ireland, the people say they're being attacked at random by a clown who sprays them with seltzer. Victims describe the attacker as having pale skin, a red nose, and holding a bottle. It's Ireland! How are they going to find him?

The United Nations General Assembly was called to order. The streets of Manhattan were jammed with people in strange clothes, yelling in weird languages. Then the U.N. got started.

The U.N. building in New York is magnificent. It has lots of flags. It's like a giant IHOP.

When the U.N. is not in session, the delegates like to take advantage of their "diplomatic immunity." They go all over Manhattan doing dangerous and crazy stuff with drugs and strippers. Some even dare to snap pictures of Alec Baldwin.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

A Stanford study suggests that social media is making us smarter. They examined hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. By 2006, the papers were longer, better researched, and more complex. That’s because kids in 2006 cut and pasted them from Wikipedia.

The fact of the matter is that we are not getting smarter. Our phones are getting smarter.

I don't know my home phone number. My cell phone has that information. Phones in the old days were very, very dumb. It's not us. It's them.

On Sunday night is the Emmy Awards. The Emmy Awards are a chance to honor the actors everyone loves and the writers, directors, and producers no one cares about.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Joe Biden has people talking that he'll run for president after he was spotted at a fundraiser in Iowa this week. Unfortunately, he missed giving his speech because he spent four hours trapped in a corn maze.

Britney Spears has signed a $29 million contract to perform shows in Las Vegas for two years. Which explains that new saying: “What Happens in Vegas was Prerecorded at a Studio in L.A.”

NASA is sending chocolate to astronauts on the International Space Station. I guess it makes sense — I mean, it's not like those guys have to watch their weight. “Nope, still zero pounds.”

 
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