Wednesday Aug 28 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

Vice President Joe Biden said today that “Syria must be held accountable." Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so they have no idea how to do that.

The secretary of the treasury told Congress that we will be out of money by October. And of course a lot of Americans are shocked by this. Didn’t you think we were already out of money?

The treasury secretary said we will be out of money by October. Here's my question. What happened to all that money we gave them last April 15, huh?

Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts.

Late Show with David Letterman

U.S. warships are heading toward Syria. It's going to be kind of an enjoyable switch for Obama. Now he can start a war that the next president will be stuck with.

They're saying now that the war against Syria will last no more than two days. It's going to be a two-day war. You know what that means? We'll be there for another 10 years.

The attorney general of New York is saying that the Trump University is a fake. They say that it's fraudulent. If you're thinking of going to Trump University, it's easy to get into. All you have to have is a birth certificate and you get right in.

We had some trouble with one of our boats down in the harbor. One of the ferries that takes you down to Liberty Island crashed. The pilot apparently ignored warnings of giant statues in the area.

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