Monday Aug 26 2013

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Banner

But it's not all bad news for the former San Diego mayor. Today Bob Filner was offered a new job as a TSA agent at the airport. So, you fly often, do you?

So New York City comptroller candidate Eliot Spitzer says if he wins, he will work for only $1 a year. Which is pretty smart, because at that rate, he won't be able to afford another $5,000 an hour hooker until the year 7013.

The NFL is now cracking down on what they call excessive celebration, like when a player is found not guilty and does that little dance in the courtroom. OK, that's 15 yards now.

Pepsi has introduced a new snack food called Pepsi-flavored Cheetos. I mean, who is this for? On-the-go stoners who don't have time to eat both?

Pepsi and Cheetos? Really? Are we that lazy now we have to combine the snack and the drink together? Is the Pepsi can too heavy? Oh, it's too heavy, getting carpal tunnel bringing it up here.

Late Show with David Letterman

When Batman fans heard Ben Affleck is going to be the new Batman, they went crazy and petitioned the White House to get rid of Ben Affleck, do something! Nothing, however, about getting rid of the goon running the show in Syria. But Ben Affleck has got to go!

Donald Trump and Trump University have been sued by the New York attorney general for running an unlicensed university. They said "It's illegal. Your university is just like that thing on your head. They're both unlicensed."

Do you think Donald Trump's own kids when to Trump University? No! His kids went to that fly-by-night diploma mill, the Wharton School of Business.

New York mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner got in a car wreck over the weekend — not to be confused with his campaign. That's a train wreck. And today he tweeted the insurance company the wrong photo.

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